WITH a loving family, a massive circle of friends and a dream job designing signs, Mike Penhalagan had his whole future ahead of him.
But this June, the 26-year-old tragically took his own life after the Covid pandemic left him unemployed and stuck at home alone 14 hours a day.
Mike Penhalagan, 26, suffered in silence before he took his own life in June
‘I’m forgetting how to talk to people’
Just hours before he died, he had told his worried mum: “I’m on my own so many hours in a day I’m beginning to forget how to talk to people.”
Mike, from Worcester, is one of the hidden victims of the pandemic and among more than 4,000 males dying by suicide in the UK every year.
Latest official figures show male suicide rates in England and Wales have soared to a 20-year high – while suicides of young people have also spiked.
And there are fears the numbers will only rise – as the coronavirus crisis sparks a raft of mental health issues among adults and children alike.
It’s why Mike’s grieving mum Rachel Burton is sharing her son’s story, as she backs Trending In The News’s Christmas Together campaign – which shines a light on loneliness and tries to help those feeling vulnerable this winter.
Mike with his loving mum Rachel Burton, who had visited him for a coffee and a catch-up just hours before his death
Mike, a kind-hearted American footballer who would ‘do anything for anybody’, lost his dream job after the pandemic struck
“Because of lockdown, I didn’t know what was going on,” sobs Rachel, who lives in Shobdon, Herefordshire, around 40 miles away from Mike’s home.
“I couldn’t see his mental state. We were sat here in the sunshine having tea and cake and he was in pain over there, and I didn’t know.”
Heartbreaking final catch-up
Rachel, a drama teacher, had enjoyed a coffee and a catch-up with her son just hours before his death after lockdown restrictions were eased.
And aside from Mike’s comment about spending so much time alone, she says he was “normal” – with the pair even laughing and joking together.
“He must have been putting on a show for me,” she recalls sadly, adding that she encouraged Mike to “get out” and socialise now that he could.
“If he’d have told me that day, ‘Mum, I’m feeling really rubbish and I need you to be here for me’, I would have been there and he knows that.”
Mike, pictured as a youngster, had struggled with mental health issues in his teens
Mike, a kind-hearted American footballer who would “do anything for anybody”, had struggled with mental health issues in his teens.
But as he grew up – swapping lads’ holidays and school success for a career in design – the intelligent young man seemed to be “so much better”.
From dream job to redundancy
Eventually, he landed a dream job designing signage.
“He loved it, he started going out speaking to people, designing signs for them and having them fitted up on their premises,” says Rachel, 60.
Yet when Covid struck, Mike suddenly found his job was on the line. And having worked there for only a matter of weeks, he was the first to go.
“It was last in, first out,” says his mum.
“Just before the furlough scheme started, they made him redundant.”
Mike, who lived in Worcester with his long-term girlfriend, loved his job designing signage
Devastated by his job loss and struggling financially, Mike – who lived with his girlfriend – started spending hours online trying to find a new role.
But he faced competition from thousands of other unemployed Brits.
Grim data last month revealed 782,000 people in the UK have lost jobs since March – with the unemployment rate hitting 4.8 per cent in the three months to September, up from 4.5 per cent in the previous quarter.
Shortly before he died, exhausted Mike had said: “I’m trying to get jobs, but every time I apply I’m 30th or 40th or 50th in the queue to get there…
“I can’t be fast enough.”
And Rachel tells us: “His girlfriend was working long hours in care, so he was in the house on his own for about 14 hours a day on lockdown.
“[He was] constantly on the internet applying for jobs.”
The young man poses with his beloved niece in a treasured family snap
Suffering in silence
During the Covid lockdown, Rachel and Mike often spoke via phone. But Rachel says her son kept taking a while to answer, which concerned her.
“I’d have to ring and ring and ring and ring,” she says. “I would send him messages: ‘Please, pick up the phone to me’. And he would eventually.”
Reassuring his mum that he was fine, Mike – also a rugby and golf fan – would joke: “You know me, Mum, if I’m doing something I just ignore it.”
But secretly, the popular young man was suffering in silence.
Rachel says her kind-hearted son was in the house alone for around 14 hours a day during lockdown
On June 4 this year, Rachel drove to her son’s for a chat over coffee.
But when she suggested to him that he should go out and meet friends now that he legally could, she says he replied: “I haven’t got any money.”
“He said, ‘I can’t move the car because I’ve got no fuel’, so I gave him some money for some fuel,” adds Rachel, married to husband John, 67.
However, the pair also shared some lighter moments – including coo-ing over online pictures of puppies – before Rachel headed back home.
Recalling the end of the visit, the mum weeps: “He gave me a hug and he said, ‘I love you mum’, and I said, ‘I love you Mike’, and that’s it.”
Mike, who was struggling financially after his redundancy, shared a laugh and a joke with his mum hours before ending his life
Thanks to his hard work, Mike had actually secured a job interview for the next day. But that night, when his girlfriend was out, he took his own life.
Rachel was watching a film at around seven minutes past midnight on June 5 – a time now “etched” on her brain – when she received the phone call from his girlfriend’s stepdad.
“I just absolutely lost it… I dropped the phone,” she says.
Every parent’s worst nightmare
Speeding off to Worcester, Rachel and John had no idea whether Mike, affectionately dubbed ‘Big Mike’ by loved ones, had been saved.
“Honestly, I don’t know how we got there in one piece,” says Rachel. “It’s normally an hour and a quarter, I think we did it in about 45 minutes.”
Arriving into Mike’s street, the couple were confronted by every parent’s worst nightmare: police cars, an ambulance and shocked neighbours.
“I got out the car and a police officer just came up to me and said, ‘I’m sorry for your loss’. And that’s when I knew he was dead,” says Rachel.
Mike is pictured as a young boy with his big sister Susan, now 31
After realising her beloved boy was alone inside the house, the mum raced through the door and sat beside him, while a policewoman waited nearby.
“I shouted at him first,” she admits of the moment she saw Mike.
“I shouted at him, ‘What the hell have you done?’
“You know what it’s like when [you] lose a kid when they’re young – you’re angry first then you just want to hold them.”
Rachel’s overwhelming grief was only compounded weeks later when she realised only 20 people could legally attend Mike’s funeral.
“That was hard – who comes and who doesn’t come,” she says. “My relations and friends were really good. They really understood.”
During the service at Worcestershire’s Vale Crematorium, Rachel’s singer friend – whom Mike enjoyed listening to – sang for her son.
His ashes were then laid to rest beside his granddad’s.
“He lost his grandad about 18 months before he died… the two of them are together,” says Rachel, who also has a daughter, Susan, 31.
Mike’s inquest took place last month, with the coroner recording a verdict of suicide
Rachel, a drama teacher, says she now has days ‘where I only cry once and days where I’m totally devastated’
Mike’s inquest was concluded last month, with a verdict of suicide.
The coroner found a number of incidents, including Mike’s job loss and the Covid pandemic, had contributed to the tragedy, according to his mum.
“He had actually got an interview to go to,” says Rachel.
“[But] I think he just couldn’t see any way forward.”
Biggest killer of men under 45
Suicide is the single biggest killer of men aged under 45 in the UK.
And for those left behind, the loss is immeasurable.
“I’ve gone back to work part-time but it’s so hard,” says Rachel.
“I have good days and bad days.
“I have days where I only cry once and days where I’m totally devastated – I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to go out.”
The mum is now urging other men – and women and children – to speak out if they’re struggling this winter, after her own son hid his suffering.
“I’ve gone over and over it. To me, there were no signs because I think he hid it from me… he knew that I would know,” she says.
“I would have known if he hadn’t put on a show for me that day.”
- If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans for free on 116123.
