Best crime games for wannabe masterminds

CRIME is illegal. Consequently, committing real life crimes is not fun at all. 

The heart-pounding adrenaline rush is more likely to make you pee your pants than achieve that high you are looking for. 

Then there are all those dastardly consequences. Even for petty crimes, there is usually a fine, and long boring talks with the police. 

While you may secretly wish you could seek vengeance on all those who have wronged you, frankly doing so would be a lot of faff, and would probably lead to a lot of brain-melting guilt.

However, there is a way you can carry out crime, with zero negative consequences. We’re talking about the best form of escapism; video games. 

You can become the head of your local crime syndicate with just the push of a button, and you never have to worry about a rival gang plotting to take you out. At least not in real life. 

If this sounds like your bag, take a look at our list of the best crime games.

Grand Theft Auto

It has a crime literally in the title, GTA, though you will engage in a lot more criminal activity than merely stealing cars. 

Drug dealing, assault, solicitation, arson, and murder are all on the cards if you play one of these games. In fact there are few crimes you can’t participate in over the course of the series storylines.

It does end up a bit gruesome for some – the scene where you first see Trevor crush a man’s skull beneath his boot might set the tone here – but if you’re into a bit of gore, then this is just the ticket. 

Just remember that getting wasted is a good option if you need to get the police off your tail.

Yakuza

A series based on the Japanese mafia, and those boys aren’t afraid of a few dodgy dealings. 

Aside from the numerous fights between insanely buff dudes covered in elaborate body art, the number of national level crimes going on just below the surface leaves GTA in its dust.

The main series protagonist Kazuma Kiryu, is an ex-clan leader with a heart of gold who still commits crimes, though often for the greater good. 

While some of the crimes Kiryu gets involved in throughout the Yakuza series are not the nicest, you can still understand why he does it.

Hitman

Probably one of the first franchises which comes to mind when you think about crimes, as Agent 47’s crime is right there in the title. 

What is great about the Hitman franchise is that you can take out your target in whatever way you like. Whether that is stealthy and professional, or dressing up as a flamingo and running straight into them. 

Obviously each of these methods has a varying chance of success. However, it’s up to you to decide what success really is. 

Is it completing the mission swiftly on the first try? Or is it trying to find out exactly what kinds of bizarre antics you are able to get away with?

Disco Elysium

This is the game least likely on your radar but is also the one possibly most deserving of your time. 

Disco Elysium’s charm is in its beautifully written story, which changes depending on how you wish to portray yourself. You can go full fascist or complete communist, and everything in between.

Much like Hitman, there is more than one solution to every problem. 

You can brute force your way into a crime scene, or charm the guards. 

Whichever path you choose is completely valid, but you may not always succeed. Much depends on the roll of the die.

Mafia

The Mafia franchise goes all the way back to the PlayStation 2 era, and the original trilogy are all oldies by goodies. 

Publisher 2K Games must have thought so too as it released a remake of the first, a remaster of the second, and an extended version of the together in a definitive collection.

Some see it as Yakuza but with white guys, or GTA except all the cars drive really slowly. 

Whatever way you look at it, it’s a piece of gaming history, one that lets you live out your Scarface fueled fantasies.

Red Dead Redemption

Those of you who have played the series know protagonists John Marston and Arthur Morgan are just doing their best, but that doesn’t mean that what they do is entirely legal. 

A lot of killing went on in the Wild West of Red Dead Redemption, and while we may think of it now as ‘cowboys will be cowboys’ it was very much a crime even then.

Everything from rustling cattle to robbing trains is on the menu here to satiate your criminal urges. 

A wise man once called it ‘Grand Theft Horse-o’, and never has someone been more right.

Written by Georgina Young on behalf of GLHF.