FANS were thrilled to see an updated version of Dwarf Fortress is available on Steam, allowing them to build their citadels all over again.
While it doesn’t seem much to look at, there is a deep level of complexity just below the surface.
Dwarf Fortress is an expansive world.
Players have been using this complexity to make weird and wonderful things happen in-game.
Here are the times when Dwarf Fortress players took things too far.
Dwarf Fortress: The pitfalls of pitfalls
Pitfalls are an important part of Dwarf Fortress as they prevent other beasts from entering your base.
They can also be used to execute prisoners if you want to keep your dwarves’ hands clean.
Discussion around the use of pitfalls soon centred around how to optimise their structure.
A lead base was seen as optimal, as the density of the material led to more deadly falls.
Flood systems were then implemented in order to wash away monsters’ remains, to prevent them from piling up in the pit making it worthless.
People would place a single spear in the pit to impale foes, but soon learnt that falling enemies could parry it, save themselves from certain death, and become a legendary warrior.
However, instead of removing the spikes, players saw this as an opportunity.
Dwarf Fortress: Hardcore kindergarten
By sending young dwarves into the spiked pits, a percentage of them would return hardened soldiers.
Dwarf children aren’t particularly helpful, as they can only carry out simple tasks.
Many players will lock their children in a room with enough food for them to survive until adulthood, and keep them out of harm’s way.
Aside from the spike pits, other efforts were used in order to harden up these children.
They were locked in rooms where dogs fought to the death, or were repeatedly exposed to small amounts of lava.
The best way to train your baby is by strapping it to a warrior, and have them run repeatedly at spikes, to put some hairs on their chest.
Dwarf Fortress: Drunk cats
It’s not all doom and gloom for the vulnerable beings that live in Dwarf Fortress.
When players noticed that the cats at the fortress were falling sick and dying, they became concerned, and not only because this caused rat infestations.
It turns out that the cats were coming into contact with the beer and wine that dwarves inevitably spilt on their benders, and were getting alcohol poisoning as a result.
It was seemingly impossible to keep the kitties away from the wine, so the players did the only thing they could.
They complained to the developers, who soon fixed the problem by upping the furry friends’ alcohol tolerance.
Dwarf Fortress: The merpeople incident
In one version of Dwarf Fortress, the developers introduced new creatures, merpeople, with the added benefit of having extra valuable bones.
However, Dwarf Fortress players are nothing but efficient, and they soon started making plans to farm them inside their walls.
Merpeople of course live in the sea, and have a moderate level of intelligence, meaning that it wasn’t an easy task to breed them in an underground lair. The problem-solving only made the prospect more attractive.
Different trapping methods, prisons, and ways to separate the children were devised, as well as ways to optimise breeding, and make the merpeople automatically go to slaughter.
When the whole process was optimised, players began digging pits under the ocean with trap doors that locked the merpeople in cages.
This forced them to breed and then send their children down to slaughter as soon as they were born.
Children created just as many bones as adults, so they were no longer allowed to reach maturity.
Normally, the developers let the players do as they please within the game, excited to see exactly what they can come up with.
But it seems that an industrial genocide was a step too far, and a stealthy patch release reduced the value of merperson bones.
Written by Marco Wutz and Georgina Young on behalf of GLHF.
